“They’re watching. Always watching.”
You may not realize it, but your children are already forming their ideas of what fatherhood, manhood, and love should look like. Not from what you say, but from what you do.
In the quiet moments.
In the loud moments.
In how you speak to your wife.
In how you handle pressure.
In how you respond to failure.
In how you show affection or withhold it.
In how you treat people you don’t benefit from.
In how you respond to a careless driver on the road
They are watching.
One of the biggest mistakes we make is thinking that parenting is something we switch on when we feel ready.
But your son is already learning how to be a husband from how you treat his mother.
Your daughter is already learning how she deserves to be loved by how you love her mom.
Your children are forming beliefs about God the Father from how you father.
We may tell them to “do as we say,” but they will almost always end up doing as we do.
The Power of Modeling
Modeling is one of the most powerful teaching tools God has built into the human experience. It’s why Paul could confidently say, “Follow me as I follow Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1). He understood that people learn best by imitation, not just instruction. In the same way, fathers are constantly modeling behavior, priorities, discipline, spirituality, emotional expression, even when they’re not trying to. As a father, you are always teaching. The question is, what are you teaching?
A Personal Story: My Dad, My Teacher
I remember one day my dad and I stopped by a roadside woman selling plantain. After paying, I waited for her to put it in a nylon bag. When my dad asked what the delay was about and I told him, his face changed. Gently but firmly, he said, “Collect the plantain and let’s go. We’re in a car. Don’t bother her for nylon when it’s obvious she doesn’t have.”
That day, without a lecture, he taught me to be considerate. He showed me how to be frugal, yes, but also how to be kind to people, especially those struggling to make ends meet. He taught me some people’s goods don’t need to be bargained down. Sometimes the most godly thing is to just pay and bless, in fact, if you have the means, tip them.
If you want to raise children who are kind, don’t just tell them to be kind, show them kindness. If you want to teach your children to be parents who are available for their kids, then be available to them.
Another time, we had gone out for a jog together and rain suddenly began to fall. He didn’t mind the rain soaking him, but he was concerned about me and my hair. He quickly took me to a shop and asked the owner to please keep an eye on me, and then ran back into the rain to get the car from home and drove back to pick me up.
That picture is sealed in my memory: my father, soaked but smiling, coming to get me. He wasn’t a perfect man. But if you know me, you’ll know I love my dad deeply.
I saw him always reading, always learning, always pushing to develop himself.
He didn’t just tell me to be diligent. I saw diligence.
He didn’t say “work hard”, he worked hard.
He was, and still is, my hero.
My father wasn’t perfect, but he modeled diligence, discipline, and quiet compassion. I saw it. I became it.
Titus 2:7 says, “In everything set them an example by doing what is good.” This is what my father did, he may not have sat me down to say it, but I caught somethings by how he lived.
Children Learn by Watching
Your son is watching:
- How you handle responsibility.
- How you treat people who can’t repay you.
- How you rise after failure.
- How you speak to your wife when you’re tired or angry.
- How you love Jesus when no one’s clapping.
Your daughter is watching:
- How you affirm her or ignore her.
- How you listen to her tiny voice and take it seriously.
- How you model masculinity, not with muscle, but with mercy.
- How you honor her mother, even in disagreement.
