My Son and I: A Journey in Patience
I’ve come to the end of myself many times in my parenting journey, I have felt like I have failed more times than I would like to admit.. But one moment that stands out clearly was during potty training with my first son. It was such a hassle. I tried everything I knew; tips, routines, encouragement, but it just wasn’t working. I began to lose my patience. And eventually, I started spanking him.
Time after time, the Holy Spirit would nudge me gently: “Toju, calm down. He’ll be fine. He’s learning and you are learning even more” . I remember thinking to myself, “What could I possibly be learning?”
Then I heard Him whisper again: “You’re on a journey of growing the fruit of patience. You, more than him, are the one growing right now.”
In that season of my life, God was actually teaching me something too. You don’t just wake up patient. You learn patience, through long-suffering, through failure, through daily, moment-by-moment surrender. You learn until it becomes real; no longer just head knowledge, but practical, living, Holy Spirit-breathed understanding.
In the middle of it all, the Holy Spirit began to teach me a better way: parenting by love, parenting with affection.
He didn’t dismiss the place of discipline, but He taught me to pair it with gentleness. He reminded me; ‘this is how I’ve fathered you’. With patience. With love. With correction that doesn’t crush.
He taught me to bend low, to literally come down to my son’s eye level and speak to him using the Word. To train from a place of vision; to see the end from the beginning, and to trust the process even when progress isn’t visible yet. To believe that he was capable of learning; I just had to show him how.
The proof that my son had been learning, listening, and was ready to transition from diapers and the potty to adult toilets all along was this: the very week he started school, he stopped wearing diapers. Just like that. No more wet beds. No more struggle.
Within the week of his resumption in school, It was as if the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart, “He had been learning all along. You just needed to trust the process.” This is the heart of godly parenting. Seeing the end from the beginning. Believing that what we see today is not the finished product, but the beginning of something great.
Speaking to the King Within: Unlocking the Potential in Our Children
Dr. Myles Munroe once said, “When you speak to the king in a man, the king will rise. But if you speak to the fool in him, the fool will respond.” That thought has stayed with me for years. This is literally the heart of God, our Father. He always speaks to the king in us. He calls us higher. He sees beyond our mess into our potential. And this is why, over time, we begin to rise into the royalty He has destined us to become.
I’ve seen it myself. A new convert who, at first, might be scrappy or unkempt, suddenly starts to change. Their life takes on a new form not just spiritually but even, physically! They suddenly start to dress well, looking clean and sharp, with their steeze on 100. The messy corners of their life seem to clean up, their words become more measured, their actions more intentional. It’s as though they’ve undergone a complete overhaul, not just on the inside but on the outside as well.
We ought to speak to our children, like kings and queens in the making, not like little children who can’t ‘hear word’ or don’t want to listen. Even when their actions don’t reflect it, we speak life to the royalty within them. We speak to their potential, to the person they will become, not just the child they are today.
Have I mastered this as a parent?
No.
But I’m learning. Day by day, step by step, I’m speaking into their lives of my sons and allowing God to awaken the king in me, so I can parent with that same prophetic vision.. One day at a time, one small improvement after another.
God Modeled This Parenting Principle First
God Himself modeled this parenting principle when He sent the Holy Spirit, He didn’t just come down to our eye level, He came to dwell within us. He didn’t shout from the heavens or rule us from a distance; He got close. Closer than our breath. He teaches us, corrects us, and leads us gently in the paths of righteousness (Psalm 23:3). That’s why though it seems to have been propagated by the world, it works nonetheless. After all, every true principle, whether acknowledged or not, finds its origin in God
For conventional parents who may be rigid due to their parental exposure; coming down to the level of your child to speak with empathy, to explain, to guide, to love, is not a “woke generation” thing for parents who lack firmness. It’s the very pattern of God.
And that’s how I’m learning to parent. Because if God can do it for me, I can do it for the little kings He’s entrusted into my hands. Parenting doesn’t just shape our children. It refines us. It exposes our rough edges and calls us into deeper fellowship with the Father, who parents us even now.
Connect with Your Child’s Heart Before Dishing out Correction or Discipline
You know, I’ve noticed something really powerful with my kids, particularly my older son. Whenever I want to talk to them about something important, especially something I really want them to remember, I bring them close; eye-to-eye, hands in mine, and just talk to them. And let me tell you, it works! It’s not just about the words I say, but how I say them. It’s like I’m telling them, “You matter, what I’m saying matters, and I want you to really hear this, not just with your ears, but with your heart.”
Children are so much more responsive when they feel seen and connected. It’s like they can absorb everything better when they feel that love and attention from you. That closeness creates an atmosphere of trust and safety, and that’s what helps the lesson really stick. They don’t just learn the lesson, they feel the love behind it, which makes it so much more meaningful.
And here’s the best part: correction and instruction don’t need to be harsh or distant to work. When you come down to their level, literally and emotionally, they don’t feel judged. They feel invited into the conversation, and that makes all the difference. It’s like, “Hey, I’m not just telling you something. I’m teaching you because I care, and I want you to remember this.”
So, here’s the thing: it’s not that I don’t discipline when I need to, but even when it’s time for a spanking, I make sure to explain why it’s happening. For example, with my first son, I’ll say something like, “I told you to always respect people’s ‘no,’ but your brother said no, and you still kept going. So, I’m going to soak you three times. Understood?” And then, I follow through with the spanking. But right after that, I make sure to give him a hug and tell him, “I love you, darling.”
It’s all about balancing love and discipline. They need to understand why they’re being disciplined, and they need to feel the love behind it. That way, it’s not just punishment; it’s a learning moment where they understand the boundaries, but they also feel safe and loved, even when they’re corrected.
That’s when the lessons really sink in.
So, if you’re in a season of frustration or feeling like nothing’s working, pause. Lean in. The Holy Spirit may be teaching you just as much as He’s teaching your child.
A Few Thoughts to Reflect On
- What is parenting forming in me?
- What lesson is the Holy Spirit patiently teaching through this phase?
- Am I allowing frustration to harden me, or to humble me into transformation?
Don’t rush past the hard moments. Sit with it. Let it be your classroom. They are the very soil where God is growing something eternal; in you and in your child.
You are helped of God❤️
