“Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.” (Proverbs 22:6)
This week is for expectant dads, not just the ones counting down to a baby’s arrival, but the ones still growing into manhood. Even the ones who have never held a child but long to be great fathers someday. And those who are already fathers but missed the privilege of preparation.
This is for every man who desires to rise into the high and holy call of fatherhood. Fatherhood doesn’t begin the day a child is born.
It begins the day a man chooses to prepare his heart to love, lead, and raise children in the fear of the Lord.
If you didn’t have the chance to prepare for fatherhood, it’s not too late. You can still rise. You can still grow. And not just for yourself, but for your sons. Because sons often learn how to father by watching their fathers. They learn not from lectures but from your life.
Some of us began carrying the burden to be better parents from a young age. I personally carried the burden to become a better mother while I was still a child. I believe our boys can carry that burden too. They can begin to hunger after a higher calling of fatherhood, even before they ever become husbands or hold their first child.
Children Learn by Watching, Not Just Listening
“The righteous who walks in his integrity, blessed are his children after him!” (Proverbs 20:7)
In Titus 2:3-5, Paul instructs older women to teach younger women how to love their husbands and raise their children. He didn’t mention the men, but that doesn’t mean they’re exempt. Because men teach without being told. God said of Abraham as a father-to-be in Genesis 18:19:
“For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the Lord, to do justice and judgment; that the Lord may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him.”
Fathers model without trying. They lead by default, either into righteousness or ruin.
Fathers are living curriculum for their sons and daughters.
If you want your son to be a kind, loving, and godly husband, then be that to your wife.
If you want him to be a man of prayer, a leader who fears God and nurtures his family with wisdom, be that man in front of him.
If you want your daughter to believe that gentle, faithful men exist, treat her mother with dignity.
Speak kindly. Love deeply. Serve joyfully. Lead prayerfully.
But sadly, if a child grows up in a home filled with strife, the results are painful.
And God forbid, you want your son to become a man who raises his hand or voice against his wife, then shout and fight in front of him.
If you want your daughter to distrust good men, let her witness abuse and betrayal in your home.
Most of the time, the cycle of pain is passed down by example.
It would take the merciful intervention of God and the patient work of the Holy Spirit to undo such examples.
Let us not make it harder for our children to heal.
Let’s raise them in such a way that they don’t have to recover from their childhood.
A Real Life Example: “By Living My Life” – Dr Kolade Adebayo
I remember a couples’ retreat we held in 2020. We invited a father in the faith, one of our mentors, to speak with us about marriage. This dear man, Dr. Kolade, has four children. All four are level headed, goodly, godly, and grounded.
Now, in today’s world, you know that doesn’t just happen by accident. He and his wife definitely got something right.
So we asked him the big question:
“How did you raise four ‘normal’ children in this chaotic generation?”
His answer?
“By living my life.”
At first, I was stunned. That was it? No five step parenting plan? No “we prayed every morning and fasted once a month”? Just… living his life?
But I believe him. If you know Dr. Kolade, you’d know he is one of the most easygoing, stress-averse, grace-filled people you’ll ever meet. He’s gentle but intentional. Calm, but not careless. And his wife is just the same, warm, kind, and deeply respected by their children.
They don’t strike me as the “cane-them-into-holiness” kind of parents.
Yet even as adults, their children adore them. You can feel it in how they talk, how they laugh with their parents, how they want to go home.
Even more stunning is the fact that they have raised many other children too, spiritual sons and daughters beyond their biological four.
This is the power of modeling fatherhood.
You don’t have to preach every day. Just live your life.
Live it well.
Live it in love.
Live it in truth, in peace, and in godliness.
Fathers Set Standards, Even in Silence
Whether you believe the saying or not, that boys marry women like their mothers and girls marry men like their fathers, there’s often truth in it. There is a common saying in Nigeria; “there is no smoke without fire.” If there’s some truth to it, then it’s definitely something to think about.
Girls subconsciously form a template of what to expect in a man by watching their dads.
If she sees her father abuse her mother, she may later enter an abusive relationship thinking pain is part of love.
If she meets a gentle man, she may think he’s pretending.
Some even sabotage peaceful relationships because it feels unfamiliar; “too good to be true.”
This is why character matters.
Spiritual growth matters.
Being emotionally whole matters.
Not just for your personal walk with God, but because you are raising someone’s standard of normal.
The Role of the Father Cannot Be Delegated
“Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward.” (Psalm 127)
Children are gifts to both mothers and fathers, not only mothers. Please, let’s stop acting like parenting is the mother’s job alone. Fathers are not spiritual spectators. They are central players in God’s design for family. Ephesians 6:4 says to Fathers: “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”
The more men embrace the responsibility of fatherhood, the more stable our homes become.
The more fathers rise, the more responsible they become, not just in their families, but in society. I believe God uses fatherhood to refine men and draw them into a deeper understanding of His own heart.
