We often hear about love languages, the unique ways people give and receive love. If a relationship is to flourish, whether platonic or romantic, we must learn to love others in the way they desire, not just in the way that feels natural to us.
Imagine showering someone with expensive gifts when all they truly long for is your presence. Over time, frustration would build. They may feel unseen, and you may feel unappreciated, all because love was expressed in a way that did not resonate with them.
In a similar way, God has His love language. Many assume that if they pour their money into the church, give to the needy, or fund kingdom projects, they have fulfilled their duty of love. While generosity is good, it is not the foundation of love for God. If you see yourself as a kingdom financier but rush ahead of God to make wealth on your own terms, you may unknowingly walk into the trap of greed. No amount of money can substitute for a heart that truly loves Him. God would rather have your soul fully surrendered than your wealth without obedience.
Unlike humans, who sometimes expect love to be discovered through trial and error, God does not leave us guessing. He has explicitly told us how He wants to be loved. To love God is to take pride in Him, boast about Him, and make Him known.
1 John 5:3 says “This is love for God to keep His commands.”
1 John 3:23 simplifies those commands into two core instructions: “To believe in the name of His Son Jesus Christ and to love one another as He commanded us.”
2 John 1:6 says “And this is love that we walk in obedience to his commands. As you have heard from the beginning, his command is that you walk in love.”
Loving God Means Loving Jesus
We cannot truly love God while rejecting His Son Jesus Christ. The two are inseparable. John 10:30 says “I and the Father are one.” John 14:6-7 says “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me. If you really know me you will know my Father as well.”
Think about it. It is like saying you love a married man but not his wife, or you love a married woman but not her husband. Would you trust someone who claimed to love you but despised your spouse? I am always wary of such people. We come as a package. You love me, you love my husband too.
1 John 5:1 says “Everyone who loves the Father loves His child as well.” John 5:23 also says “Whoever does not honor the Son does not honor the Father who sent Him.”
Loving God Means Loving Others
To love God is to love our brothers and sisters, including those who are difficult to love. I can personally attest that loving those who love us comes naturally. It is the easiest thing to do. But then, there are those who have wounded us in ways we never imagined, and yet, God calls us to love them too.
There was a time I struggled with this. Someone deeply hurt me, and I thought, Surely, God understands why I cannot bring myself to love this person. But as I prayed, I felt the Holy Spirit nudging me with one simple instruction: “Pray for them.” It was the last thing I wanted to do, but I obeyed. At first, my prayers were cold and mechanical. But over time, as I kept obeying, something changed, not in them, but in me. The bitterness lost its grip, and my heart softened.
Many hesitate to preach about loving others because we are painfully aware of how often we fall short. But every time we gain victory and rise in love, we should share it even more. In doing so, we not only strengthen those we encourage but also find strength for ourselves.
Have I fallen short of this command? Absolutely, many times. Is there anyone who hasn’t? But by God’s grace, I have also risen each time I have fallen. I have learned that by simply obeying the Holy Spirit’s leading in how I relate to these people, whether in action or attitude, I overcome the hurt. In surrendering my body and emotions to Him, I find strength to love beyond my feelings.
So when every fiber of my being wants to hurl insults, walk away, or if it were possible, throw a bag of cement at them (we listen, we do not judge), when I feel the urge to yell or lash out, I choose to do the opposite.
1 John 4:21 says “And he has given us this command. Anyone who loves God must also love their brother and sister.”
If we only love those who love us, can we truly say we have attained God’s kind of love? Luke 6:32-33 says “If you love those who love you what credit is that to you Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you what credit is that to you Even sinners do that.”
God places such a high priority on loving our brothers and sisters that He declares through John that He says: “Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister whom they have seen cannot love God whom they have not seen.” (1 John 4:20).
When Love Feels Like Suffering
Loving others is not always easy. Sometimes, it feels like suffering. But the more we bring our bodies and emotions into submission, the greater our victory over the flesh. When love starts to feel like suffering, remember that you are doing it for the One who first loved you and gave everything for you. 1 Peter 4:1 says “Therefore since Christ suffered in his body, arm yourselves also with the same attitude because whoever suffers in the body is done with sin.”
Put Your Love in Fixed Deposit: Forgive in Advance.
I have discovered something that makes loving difficult people a bit easier. Do not let the pain fester. In fact, forgive people in advance. In my husband’s family house, there is a bold sticker that says something along the lines of “Marriage is two forgiven people constantly forgiving each other.”
My father-in-law often shared these precious words with me and my husband during counseling: ‘Put your love in a fixed deposit’. This means that regardless of what people do to hurt you you do not stop loving them. Their actions may still cause pain but your love remains constant, unshaken by offenses, anchored in grace. This is exactly how Jesus Christ loves us. He modeled it perfectly. His life and death were the ultimate display of selfless sacrificial love. (Philippians 2:5-8). This is true love, humbling ourselves, loving even when it is undeserved, and laying aside our own pride for the sake of others.
Loving difficult people is not easy, but with God’s grace, it is possible. When you take a moment to realize that sometimes you are the difficult one to love, the one who, because of past wounds and struggles, unknowingly hurts others, yet you still long to be loved and understood, it shifts your perspective. This awareness can make you more gracious toward others, extending to them the same understanding you desire.
I believe today’s message is simple: Are we truly loving God in the way He desires or are we merely offering what feels convenient? If God were to assess our love for Him not by our words or offerings but by how we love the difficult people in our lives, what would His verdict be?
