“A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.” (Proverbs 18:24)
When you read Proverbs 18:24 across different translations, the wording may differ, but the message is not in conflict. The KJV highlights the call to show yourself friendly. The NIV and NLT expose the danger of shallow or destructive friendships. Together, they teach us that friendship requires intentionality, discernment, depth, and loyalty.
My Story with Friendship
For the longest time, I thought something was wrong with me. In secondary school, making friends felt like climbing a mountain. I often felt awkward, rejected, and unaccepted. Because of that, I resolved within myself not to expect friendship. It was easier to live with the absence of friends than to deal with the sting of rejection.
That mindset followed me into my early years of adulthood until something changed. I joined a fellowship in university called SCM, then under the leadership of Pastor Joseph Badru. Until then, I had not met a group of people who were so warm, approachable, and genuinely caring. Their love was so real that it pulled down my long-harbored fear. It was around this time that I also came upon Proverbs 18:24 in the King James Version: “A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother.”
As I read those words, the Holy Spirit whispered to my heart:
“Toju, there is nothing wrong with you.
You just need to show yourself friendly.”
That was a turning point for me. Friendship was not a mystery; it was a seed. If I wanted a harvest of real relationships, I needed to plant friendliness, nurture it, and tend it.
Friendship Requires Work
The Lord showed me that you cannot plant a vineyard, abandon it for weeks or months, and expect a harvest of fruit. If you do not water it, tend it, and create an environment for growth, you should not expect results. In the same way, relationships need tending. Friendship does not grow on neglect. It requires time, love, care, attention, presence, and sometimes sacrifice.
As I began to practice this, a floodgate of friendships opened in my life. And the beauty of it was that it wasn’t fake. I simply allowed the love of God, already shed abroad in my heart, to flow out to others. I laid down lies of unacceptance, and I put myself out there regardless. Fear of rejection no longer held me back.
Wisdom in Choosing Friends
Soon, I learned another truth: it is not enough to just have friends. Wisdom is needed in choosing them. Friendship is not a title to be distributed carelessly. If I called someone my friend, I must mean it, and be ready to put in the work. So I began to choose carefully. My closest friends became those who shared my mindset, my approach to life, and my belief in God.
The Bible says, “Walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm” (Proverbs 13:20). It also warns us not to sit in the counsel of the ungodly: “Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers” (Psalm 1:1). These verses taught me that the quality of my friends mattered more than the quantity.
The NLT puts it beautifully: “There are ‘friends’ who destroy each other, but a real friend sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24). Three genuine friends who sharpen you are worth more than one hundred shallow connections.
Friendship carries great influence. The people you surround yourself with will inevitably leave their mark on you, either drawing you toward wisdom or pulling you into foolishness. That is why I stopped handing out the title of “friend” carelessly and reserved it for those who shared my love for God and walked with a similar heart and outlook on life.
Seasons of Friendship
Then came another season. Life got busy. Family life and children demanded my time and strength, and I found I barely had space for myself, let alone new friendships. Time became a rare commodity. Between family, children, and ministry, I had little energy left to build friendships.
In that season, I made acquaintances, but I could not nurture deep bonds as I once did. And that was okay. Friendship is serious to me. If I call you my friend, I want to give that role the dignity it deserves. Some seasons call for depth with fewer people, not expansion.
Why Some Struggle with Friendship
Now, when I meet people who say, “Nobody likes me” or “I don’t have friends,” I often see what the problem really is. It’s not always that people despise them. Many times, it’s because they haven’t shown themselves friendly. You cannot walk around with a chip on your shoulder, feathers puffed like a peacock, and expect others to draw close.
Other times, people do make friends but lose them because they never put in the work. A one-sided relationship is a heavy burden. Friendships fade when one person feels abandoned or unvalued. The truth remains: friendship is a two-way street.
Now, it would be unfair and insensitive of me not to acknowledge that for some, the pain of rejection has not been merely emotional, in their head or circumstantial. At times, the root may truly not be obvious or physical, and the experience is deeper than personality or effort alone can explain. In such moments, do not fear or speculate. Return to the Word of God and stand firmly on the finished work of Christ. Jesus has already dealt with every power that opposes our wholeness and favour (Colossians 2:15). As we renew our minds with truth and lean fully into Him, we enforce what He has already accomplished, freedom, healing, and restoration in every area of life.
I encourage you to meditate on these scriptures intentionally. Take them the way you would take prescribed medication, not casually, not occasionally, but faithfully and consistently. You do not stop medication the moment you take the first dose; you continue until strength returns and healing is evident. In the same way, take these truths into your heart daily. Read them aloud. Meditate on them. Let them reshape how you think, pray, see yourself and are perceived.
- “Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing will injure you.” (Luke 10:19)
- “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you.” (James 4:7)
- “But in all these things we overwhelmingly conquer through Him who loved us.” (Romans 8:37)
- “To the praise of the glory of His grace, which He freely bestowed on us in the Beloved.” (Ephesians 1:6)
- “But thanks be to God, who always leads us in triumph in Christ, and manifests through us the sweet aroma of the knowledge of Him in every place.” (2 Corinthians 2:14)
The Ultimate Friend
At the heart of Proverbs 18:24 is the reminder that while human friendships are precious, they are never perfect. But there is One Friend who sticks closer than a brother: Jesus Christ. He is the model of loyalty, sacrifice, and love.
When His love flows through us, we not only attract genuine friendships but also become the kind of friend others truly need.
I invite you to think on these questions:
- Have I been waiting for others to pursue me, or am I showing myself friendly?
- Am I being wise in the friends I choose?
- Do I value quality friendships over quantity?
- Have I been a Christlike, loyal, and dependable friend to others?
- Am I leaning on Jesus, my truest Friend, as my model of friendship?
Prayer
I pray for you who has known the heartbreak of rejectionand unmet affection. May God heal your heart, restore your hope, and remind you that rejection by people does not define your worthI pray that you will believe again in faithful, God-honouring friendships, like that of David and Jonathan.
I pray for you who desire connection but struggle to hold friendships down. May God grant you the wisdom, strength, and grace to put in the work healthy relationships require.
I pray for you who have believed the lie that you are unlovable or destined to be rejected. May that lie be broken by the truth of Christ. May the favour of God rest upon you, compelling the right people into your life, and may you experience the love of Christ tangibly through genuine, Spirit-filled friends.
Amen!❤️
