Right in the manner in which Jesus Christ taught us to pray is this clear requirement:
“Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
Let’s be honest, this one is hard. Not just for children, but for us adults too. The natural instinct of man is to want justice. We crave fairness. We want things made right. And children are no different. Their sense of justice is loud and raw.
It shows up in statements like:
- “I’ll tell mummy for you!”
- “Mummy, John beat me!”
- “He took my toy. He must be punished!”
They’re not just giving a report, they want justice, usually in the form of a spanking or a sleeptime. They want the sibling to “get what he deserves.”
Let me be honest with you dearest parent/guardian, the earlier you settle it in your heart that your children came into this world as carnal and sinful little human beings, whose nature is bent towards sin, the sooner you’ll embrace your assignment to set them on the path they ought to follow, which is the path of God, the path of righteousness.”
Psalm 51:5 says “Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me.
”Romans 3:23: “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”
Proverbs 22:15: Folly is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of discipline will drive it far away.That tells us something important: this is a vice that must be actively addressed, through the teaching of God’s word and intentional prayer.
What’s interesting is that no one teaches them to respond like this. They come preloaded (what I like to think of as follow come vice) with this desire for retribution. Because if left unchecked, it doesn’t go away with age.
Some of the deepest hurts I and my family have experienced in life came from people who were unable or unwilling to forgive. People who were hurt and chose vengeance over healing. Retaliation over restoration. Punishment over mercy.
And if we’re not intentional, our children can grow into those same kinds of adults.
Teaching Discernment: When to Cover, When to Speak
Proverbs 17:9: “Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”
I think about this verse a lot, especially when my older son comes to report his younger brother. There’s often a tension in those moments. Sometimes, he’s genuinely hurt or frustrated. Other times, he just wants his brother punished, again.
When this happens, I try to explain to him that while it’s okay to speak up when something is wrong, but he doesn’t have to rehash the offense over and over, especially when mummy is already addressing it. We should teach our children that repeating the offense over and over only deepens division.
This is wisdom we even need as adults.
In fact, I often tell him:
“Look out for your brother. You don’t have to report everything. Sometimes, love means covering. Sometimes, love means helping him do better without exposing him.”
But let me also say this: There’s a delicate balance here: We’re not raising children to hide sin or cover wrongdoing at all costs. We’re raising children who are discerning, who know when to speak up because a pattern of behavior is harmful, and when to cover a moment of weakness because love knows how to bear.
For me, the balance is this:
If a child is doing something dangerous or destructive, to themselves or others, it’s right to report it. That, too, is love.
But even then, how they report it and why they’re reporting matters.
Is the heart behind it love, correction, and a desire to help the person grow?
Or is it just to see them punished?
We must teach our children that even correction must come from a place of love.
Forgiveness Is a Seed
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” (Matthew 5:7)
As humans, we all want things to be fair. And for children, who are still learning to manage big emotions, that sense of injustice can feel overwhelming. I’ve watched it unfold many times in our home.
- One child hits the other. The other hits back.
- One takes a toy. The other shouts, “I’m not your friend again!”
Sound familiar?
From watching them, I’ve learned this: Forgiveness is a seed. And like every good seed, it must be planted, watered, and nurtured, intentionally. It won’t grow on its own. The world certainly won’t nurture it.
What Does It Really Mean to Forgive and Why is This Important for Our Children?
To forgive means to release the right to punish, to let go of an offense, to cover without keeping score. Mercy is forgiveness extended even when it’s not deserved, especially when it’s not deserved.
Children are absorbers. They learn not just by instruction but by observation. If they are to receive God’s mercy with open arms and truly believe in forgiveness when they fail (and they will), then we must first help them understand that forgiveness is available, expected, and possible.
If our children do not learn to forgive, they will struggle to receive God’s forgiveness when guilt eats at them. And it will. Life will give them plenty of chances to feel shame.
If mercy is not modeled at home, they may see God as a punisher, not a Father.
But if they understand forgiveness, they will run to Him, even when they fail, because they know His arms will still be open. Let your home be the first place they see grace, mercy and restoration.
How Can We Model Forgiveness and Mercy at Home?
Apologize to your children
When you raise your voice unfairly or act hastily, say sorry. It doesn’t reduce your authority. One of the most powerful ways I’ve taught forgiveness in our home is by asking my children for forgiveness. Yes. As a mom. When I’ve shouted. When I’ve overreacted. When I’ve misjudged.
I go back and say, “Mommy was wrong. I’m really sorry. please forgive me?” That simple moment teaches them: It’s okay to admit you’re wrong. Forgiveness is for everyone and love stays, even when we fail
Let your children see you forgive each other
If you and your spouse have a disagreement, let them see how peace is made. Let them hear the “I forgive you” and not just assume it.
Don’t weaponize past mistakes
Don’t bring up past failures once they’ve been addressed. Nigerian or maybe African parents generally left this whatsApp group! 😂They will remind you of the wrong you did when you were just a child, things you did at 6, 7, or even younger. These offences are used to “keep you in check” or to guilt-trip you into submission.
We understand, oya, please come back and read because mercy doesn’t keep a record. (1 Corinthians 13:5)
Create a forgiveness culture among siblings
When siblings fight (and they will), resist the urge to just separate them or immediately take sides. I’ve learned to walk my children through the process of healing: listening, apologizing, and forgiving. In fact, if I didn’t witness the offence myself, I rarely spank. What I do instead is simple but intentional:
- I first hug the one crying or reporting. I let him know I understand how that must feel.
- Then I call the other and gently ask, “Why did you hit your brother?” or “Why did you spoil the toy?”
Now, my younger son is just a little over 2, so his answers are usually the most random and incoherent 😅, but I ask anyway. Then I explain, in simple words, why what he did wasn’t kind, and I ask him to apologize.
Not just “sorry,” but with a hug too. They hug it out. Sometimes we say a quick prayer and we move on. It may seem small, but these little moments are laying foundations of learning how to feel, how to forgive, and how to extend mercy, just as God does for us.
Use bedtime reflections
Let nighttime be a time to reflect: “Did anyone hurt or offend you in school today?, what did they do? Did you forgive them or do you want to forgive them?” Make it normal. Make it doable.
Read and teach them the story of The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant (Matthew 18:21–35), it is an apt reminder: we forgive because we’ve been forgiven.
And it’s a beautiful one to share with children, especially after sibling conflicts or friendship fallouts. It helps them understand that mercy is not just something we receive, but something we’re called to give.
Scriptures to Read With Your Children
Matthew 6:14
“If you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.”
Colossians 3:13
“Bear with each other and forgive one another… Forgive as the Lord forgave you.”
Proverbs 17:9
“Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends.”
Mama to Mama or Dad
There’s something special about raising children who know how to forgive. You are shaping hearts that will one day face real wounds like rejection, betrayal, disappointment. If they learn now, in the small things, how to let go of offense and walk in grace, they will carry that strength into adulthood. Mercy is not weakness. Forgiveness is not foolishness. They are some of the most powerful, Christ-like things a person can ever do.
Let’s teach it with our words.
Let’s model it with our lives.
And let’s pray that the Spirit of God helps it take root deep in their hearts.
