Mark 2:27: “And he said unto them, The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath.”
By the time I had my first child, I had filled my head with all the things I had read; books, blogs, you name it. I built so many expectations around those things, so much so that when life didn’t go according to the script, I started to feel like I was failing as a mom.
So many things bothered me, like why wasn’t my child sleeping through the night like the book promised?
I thought, “But this author said if I do this and this, then I’ll get that result. Why isn’t it working for me?” It felt almost as if my baby had somehow missed the ‘robotic’ memo. As though raising kids is like mathematics where you expect that if you add 2 and 2, you’ll get 4. But even in math, there are days when the math just isn’t ‘mathing’.
Eventually, I did what we all must do: read, yes. But lean heavily on the Holy Spirit.
I came to realize that our children don’t come with a universal manual. But that doesn’t mean they come without guidance. God, who created them, knows exactly what they need, their ‘specifications’, their unique wiring, their secret codes. And in His kindness, He has given us His Spirit to whisper those secrets to us, to tell us things about our children that no book can ever reveal.
The more I leaned on the Holy Spirit, the freer I became. And to my amazement, the better my son became too. In fact, what I had been trying so hard to achieve through rigid routines happened so naturally, it shocked me. Today, both of my boys sleep soundly through the night, sometimes going for as long as 10 hours straight!, only moving a few times to kick me off the bed! 😅
Turns out, the Holy Spirit knows them better than I ever could and that right there is the best news of parenting because He lives in me.
What Are Routines, Really?
Routines are often celebrated as the secret sauce of a thriving home. And yes, they can be, when they are rightly understood. But dear parent: routines were made for your children, not your children for routines. We must remember that routines are meant to serve us, not to enslave us.
Just as Jesus said in Mark 2:27: “The Sabbath was made for man, not man for the Sabbath
At their core, they are simply rules or rhythms dressed up in a fancy name called routines. Their purpose is to bring structure, stability, and predictability to life. They help children know what to expect. They make the home feel safe. They help us, as parents, manage chaos. They bring comfort, stability, and consistency.
But they are not the goal, they are just a tool.
When Is the Best Time to Introduce Routines?
Start early, but gently. From infancy, you can introduce gentle patterns; feeding, sleeping, playtime. But as they grow, you add layers: prayer time, family devotions, chores, reading, quiet time.
The scripture “Train up a child in the way he should go… in Proverbs 22:6 doesn’t mean forcing routines like a military camp; it means teaching consistently and with love.
Routine should not be a do-or-die affair, neither should it become idols in our homes.
The Danger of Idolizing Routines
If we’re not careful, we may begin to tie our success or failure as parents to how well we and our children stick to a routine and even scold our children harshly for not “performing”.
Over time, routines that were meant to bless us can become burdens. Our children may begin to associate structure with pressure, guilt, and fear.
And when they finally gain freedom, like when they go off to school, or leave home, they may either abandon structure altogether or fall into rebellion.
Why?
Because they were never taught how to manage freedom, only how to follow instructions.
Spirit-Led, Not Routine-Obsessed; Teaching Them to Choose Right
In the Old Testament, worshipping God required routines, sacrifices, feasts, long walks to the Temple, sacred spaces. But Jesus changed that. He said: “A time is coming… when the true worshipers will worship the Father in spirit and truth…” (John 4:23).
Now, we no longer need to climb mountains or slaughter lambs. We can simply pray and worship wherever we find ourselves. Not only that, God has made His dwelling in us, in the Person of the Holy Spirit, to guide, instruct, and help us manage our liberty.
If the Law, as good as it was, could not save or sustain us, then our routines, no matter how perfectly planned, cannot guarantee righteous children or godly homes. Hebrews 8:7 says “For if that first covenant had been faultless, then no place would have been sought for a second.” Jesus came not to abolish the Law, but to fulfill it, and to give us liberty through His Spirit. Likewise, as parents, we must choose liberty over rigidity.
2 Corinthians 3:17 says “Now the Lord is that Spirit: and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.”
This liberty doesn’t mean our children run wild. No.
It means we teach them balance.
We show them the why behind the what.
We help them understand the value of order, not just demand order.
So, let us teach our children:
- Moderation instead of indulgence
- Respect for authority, not fear of it
- Balance instead of performance
- Honor instead of routine-driven obedience
This is how we raise children who thrive both within and beyond structures; because they have built discipline from the inside out.
Don’t Be Too Rigid: Embrace the Moments
One thing I have learned along the way, and I’m still learning is not to be too rigid about routines. When they become our measure of success, or our method of control, or the reason our children feel crushed, they stop being useful. The true goal is not routine for routine’s sake, but order that flows from love, freedom guided by honor, and habits that point to God, not just structure.
So, try to relax on routines such as when, where, and how our children sleep or what they eat.
There were times I felt like I was failing just because my babies didn’t want to stay in their cots. We even got two different kinds, one made of steel, another made of wood, thinking maybe it was the material that made them uncomfortable. Lo and behold, my sons just didn’t agree to be left alone in their cots! And honestly? I also secretly loved having them all over me, even when it meant being squeezed to the corner of the bed! 😂
If staying close to you helps your child feel safe and secure, why not embrace it?
They won’t be little forever.
They won’t always want to cuddle up in your arms or kick you out of bed.
One day soon, they’ll be grown, moving out, making decisions on their own… and what will matter most is not whether you stuck to the “perfect” sleep routine, but whether you built love, trust, and affection strong enough that they will always want to come back home.
The same applies to things like food schedules: Don’t be so stuck on your timetable that you miss moments to connect. Sometimes, ask them what they would love to eat, and excitedly cook it for them! It shows that you hear them, value their opinions, and care about their hearts.
It doesn’t mean they’ll grow up entitled or demanding. Because just as you lovingly give them choices sometimes, on other days, you’ll also lovingly teach them to respect structure and authority by saying, “Today, this is what Mommy has prepared, and we’re all going to eat it.”
Again, it’s all about balance, liberty, and wisdom.
After all, our goal is not to raise children who simply obey rules…
We are raising children who know how to live freely, lovingly, and wisely, even outside our watch.
So, Are Routines Bad?
Absolutely not. They help establish order in the home. Routines are good. Books are helpful. Advice is wise.
But ultimately, it is the voice of the Holy Spirit that will lead you into the kind of parenting that truly shapes the hearts and souls He has given you.
So, build routines, yes. But don’t make them your gospel.
Use them as tools, not shackles.
Model liberty, not legalism.
And teach your children to live well even outside of your rules. Galatians 5:1 says “Stand fast therefore in the liberty wherewith Christ hath made us free...” Let your home be one of graceful rhythms, not rigid rules. So that when they grow, they’ll know how to walk in order, even when no one’s watching.
Parent with your Bible open, your heart tender, and your ears tuned to the Holy Spirit. Because raising children isn’t about perfect routines, It’s about raising hearts that know how to live, love, and worship, even when the routines no longer exist.
So, i have just one question for you:
Are your routines still serving your family or have they started enslaving them? Listen to the Holy Spirit afresh today.
