Galatians 5:22-23: “But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.”
Mango season is an event in our house. My sons go wild for it. But here’s the thing: they don’t just want any mango. They want the big, juicy sides cut a certain way. Anything else and my second son is off the bat, screaming like we have committed an unspeakable offense.
You know those screams that throw you into full-blown panic mode? The kind that makes you peek through the curtains to make sure no one’s thinking you are abducting or harming your own child 😅.
But truly, what toddlers teach you over and over again is this: If you’re going to help them navigate their big emotions, you first have to manage your own.
Because here’s the truth; you can’t give what you don’t have.
To the Fathers Reading This:
I know it can be tough not to feel disrespected when your child won’t “listen.” You might feel that urge to raise your voice, assert your authority, or walk away entirely. But here’s something to remember: You’re not weak for being gentle, you’re being like Christ.
Your toddler isn’t testing your manhood. They’re testing their world. And what they need is your stability, not your volume. Ephesians 6:4 reminds us, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” Your strength lies in your ability to calmly lead them, not shout them into submission.
To the Mothers:
I see you. I am you. There are days when you feel guilty for snapping, other days when you cry in the bathroom because you’re so overwhelmed. You’re constantly giving, and yet somehow still wondering, “Is this enough?”
But let me speak some truth into your heart: We mothers often move emotionally before we pause spiritually. Sometimes, we feel our toddlers instead of leading them. And I get it, we’re tired. But here’s the thing: we have to let the Holy Spirit lead us back to center. Proverbs 31:26 says, “She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue.”
That’s not just poetry, it’s the call. Wisdom and kindness. That’s the oil we need to pour on the emotional fires that break out at breakfast, naptime, or mango hour.
Naming the Feeling
I once read that when you teach children to recognize and name how they feel, they become better at managing those emotions.
At first, I thought the “naming the feeling” approach was a waste of time, it wasn’t easy to pause.. The Nigerian and African mum in me was rising like Mufasa, ready to roar: “What is wrong with you? Drop that apple now! Or will you stop crying and just take the green apple!” 😅
In fact, I’ll be honest with you, the first person that had to change was me and that didn’t happen overnight.
But the more I let the Holy Spirit help me see what’s really going on under my child’s emotions, the more patience I found in myself.
It still doesn’t work perfectly with my two-year-old; that one is still in the “scream first, negotiate never” phase, but my four-year-old is learning, and that’s a win for me. For us.
Because you see, parenting isn’t just about stopping bad behavior, it’s about discipling little hearts. It’s about teaching them the language of their emotions, and modeling what it looks like to bring those emotions to God.
A Typical Scenario in My House (we are still getting a hang of it)
When my older son is upset because his younger sibling took something he wanted, I call him into a hug and say, “You’re angry because you wanted the red apple, but John took it, right? I understand, love. But we don’t scream when we’re upset, alright? Next time, I’ll buy two red apples, and then you can have one. But for today, can you make do with the green apple?”
He fusses a little more, but we hug it out, move on, and everyone is happy.
In that moment, he learns that:
- It’s okay to feel angry, but it’s not okay to hurt others with our anger.
- Mummy listens to me, and that makes it easier for me to listen to her too.
- Disappointment isn’t the end of the world, sometimes I don’t get what I want, but I’ll survive it.
- I can use my words to express how I feel, instead of screaming or throwing things.
If you do have to discipline, try to, pause and pray. Even if it’s just under your breath: “Lord, help me respond like You would. Let my tone reflect You, not my temper.” You may not always get it right, but that prayer softens the soil of your home. It plants seeds your child will eat from long after the mangoes are gone.
The Goal
The goal isn’t perfect kids or perfect parents overnight, it’s present parents who partner with God. Right after the drama, whether it’s the broken banana (I wonder what it is with toddlers and bananas), the wrong mango slice, or a meltdown in traffic or a supermarket, that’s where the conversation shifts to you, the parent or guardian.
The truth is, when you are neck-deep in toddler tantrums and sticky fingers, that’s when we realize that the class on forbearance that you skipped or didn’t finish is waiting for you right at that emotional junction. Parenting as a holy re-enrollment into classes we thought we graduated from; especially the ones on forbearance, self-control, kindness, gentleness.
You see, children don’t bring out the worst in us. They reveal the unfinished work we put on hold with the Holy Spirit before we had them.
When we take up the role of parenting precious little ones, we are once again invited to grow. To yield again. To re-enroll in the fruits of the Spirit we thought we had mastered. Parenting is another opportunity to bear fruits of the Spirit that we weren’t paying attention to bearing. Not just for our children’s sake, but for our own. Because in raising them, we are also being raised into the image of Christ.
Reflection: I want to leave you with a question today:
What are some areas where you’ve noticed God working in your life as a parent?
How has He used your children to reveal areas of growth in you?
May we continue to grow in wisdom and grace, together.❤️
Book Recommendation
One book that’s really helped me understand children, particularly, strong-willed children is The Strong-Willed Child by James C. Dobson. It’s a must-read for anyone navigating tough moments with strong-willed kids. It offers practical tips on handling those challenges with love and wisdom.
