For me. For you. For all of us unnamed.
This series is for me.
It’s for you.
It’s for all of us who have ever named the name of Christ… and still found ourselves at war within.
I will attempt to wear your shoes and speak to you.
To sit quietly inside your mind and give voice to the weight you sometimes carry in silence.
If by some means, as you read, you see that you are not alone, then these words have done their job.
None of us, not even the oldest, wisest, longest-saved among us, is above internal battles.
We all face them.
The only difference is that some have learned how to die quickly…
How to surrender faster…
How to let the life of Christ resurrect inside them quicker than others.
I don’t always have the words.
Some days, I just feel heavy.
Not from sin in the obvious sense, but from the quiet kind.
The slow kind.
The kind that creeps in under the surface of my smile.
I’m saved. I love Jesus.
But sometimes I wonder why it still feels like I’m fighting shadows that were supposed to disappear.
Why I feel like I’m failing at something I was supposed to have mastered by now.
This isn’t a crisis of faith.
This is the weight of walking with God in a human body.
This is the silent war no one warns you about.
The one you fight alone, because how do you explain that you’re full of the Holy Ghost but also full of triggers?
That you read your Bible and still feel shame?
That you pray and still want to scream?
That you lead others but can barely hold your own heart sometimes?
These aren’t just lessons, they are laments.
Not sermons, but sighs.
Each one is a small attempt to put words to a struggle I know too well…
And to remind you (and me) that God still meets us there.
In the dark.
In the silence.
In the raw.
These are the Hidden Battles.
And they matter to God.
So welcome
To the stories we rarely tell.
To the prayers we whisper through clenched teeth.
To the hidden battles.
And to the God who sees them all.
Hidden Battles 1: Deliver Me From Me
I didn’t know this darkness had lived in me for so long.
It hid under quiet smiles, buried beneath daily rhythms.
But when someone pressed the right places… it surfaced.
Fierce. Sudden. Wild.
And for the first time, I saw just how much of me still needed saving.
I thought that once I gave my life to Jesus, the shadows would vanish.
That I’d wake up glowing, new, untouched, clean through and through.
But instead, I wake up some days throwing punches in my dreams.
I react without understanding.
Why do I still feel angry. Or numb?
I spiral into silence… and wonder if I’ve failed at this Christian walk.
But as I sat in that fog today,
a gentle voice answered my thoughts:
“Yes, the old has passed away… but remember, I have not yet returned physically a second time.
Until I do, you must die daily.
You must war daily.
And even when your knees shake, your salvation is not fake.
It is real. And so am I.”
The Struggle Is Real
This is the battle we rarely talk about
the war within after salvation.
You’re genuinely saved,
yet parts of your soul still scream for healing.
And then you wonder:
“Was my salvation even real?”
It was.
It is.
Salvation is not the absence of a fight,
it is the start of one in fact.
Wear the Lens of the Bible
“Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new. ( 2 Corinthians 5:17)
Yes, that verse is true.
But so is this:
“If anyone would come after Me, let him deny himself, take up his cross daily, and follow Me.” (Luke 9:23)
You were made new when you came to Christ.
That’s your position.
But you are also being made new, daily.
That’s your process.
And God is not shocked by your struggle.
He doesn’t flinch when that darkness shows up.
He is right there with you
with mercy in one hand and healing in the other.
This Much is True About You…
- I am not fighting to be saved.
I am fighting because I am saved. - The war within is proof that the Spirit of God is at work in me.
- My salvation isn’t based on how I feel today
it’s rooted in what Jesus Christ finished once for all.
My righteousness is of God (Isaiah 54:17) - God is not surprised by my struggle.
He is committed to my sanctification, moment by moment.
Because I belong to Jesus Christ, the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed me from the power of sin that leads to death. (C: Romans 8:1-2)
This right there is the hope you have, this is how you know that you have victory. If you can sit with it, you will see the grips and shackles of those struggles fall off: instantly for only a handful of people, gradually for majority.
The Hope
Struggling doesn’t mean you’ve failed.
It means you’re still alive in this body.
It means the Holy Spirit of God in you is alive and active within you..
It means the war is proof you belong to Jesus Christ now.
You’re not losing the fight because you still feel tempted or triggered.
You’re winning because you’re staying.
You are still tuned to the voice of the Holy Spirit
You’re showing up.
That’s faith.
So don’t quit.
Don’t hide.
Don’t stop meeting God in your mess.
Like David, make God all you have got, your only way out and watch Him present you blameless. (Jude 1:24)
He’s not going anywhere.
