For a while now, we’ve been walking through the stories of parents in scripture, some obvious, some tucked in between lines and tracing how their choices, or lack thereof, shaped their children and even whole nations.
Today, I want us to sit with King Saul.
He Started Well… But
Saul’s introduction in scripture is almost like a breath of fresh air. He’s introduced to us as an impressive man, handsome, tall, even humble at the beginning. In 1 Samuel 9 and 10, he seems to be a reluctant hero of sorts, hiding among baggage, not presumptuous. He was even anointed by God and had a prophetic encounter that changed him. For a moment, we all held our breath in hope: “Maybe this is the man.”
But that promise didn’t last.
Saul’s Snare
Saul’s story is layered, but his greatest flaw wasn’t just disobedience. It was the root that fed that disobedience; his deep seated desire to please people more than to please God. He was more tuned to the voices around him than the Voice that called him, the voice of God.
The first time this truly surfaces is in 1 Samuel 15, where God tells him to destroy the Amalekites completely, but Saul spares their king and keeps the best animals. When Samuel confronts him, Saul says: “I was afraid of the men, and so I gave in to them.” (1 Samuel 15:24)
And there it is.
Fear of man. That was his snare.
A father, a king, a man who cracked under the pressure of people’s opinions. And sadly, when that crack wasn’t addressed, more cracks followed.
His dangerous need for validation impacted his leadership and fatherhood. It wasn’t a one-time issue. It was a pattern. Earlier in 1 Samuel 13, when the people were getting restless and Samuel had not yet arrived to offer the burnt offering, Saul decided to do it himself. He wasn’t a priest, and he knew it was not his place. But again, pressure from people. Restlessness around him. And instead of waiting on God, he acted rashly.
Saul’s heart was not fully God’s and when a man, especially a father, has a divided heart, sooner or later, it will show. He is one of the most tragic figures in scripture. And even more tragic than his downfall as king was his failure as a father.
Saul’s Legacy: Broken Children and a Starving Nation
We sometimes forget that Saul wasn’t just a king, he was a father, and so it wasn’t just Saul’s throne that suffered. His family did too.
Let’s start with Jonathan.
He was a godly son, loyal, wise, and a true friend to David (the man his father saw as a threat). Jonathan should have been king, but his father’s disobedience closed that door. He was caught in the tension between loyalty to a father who had lost his way and friendship with a man God had chosen. Jonathan died beside Saul in battle. Not because he wasn’t worthy of the crown, but because the man who wore the crown before him disqualified the lineage.
So Jonathan, despite his faithfulness, never ascended the throne. Imagine being a parent whose character failures block the door for your child’s destiny. That’s what happened with Saul.
Then there’s Michal, Saul’s daughter.
Scripture tells us she loved David. But Saul used her as bait. First, he offered her to David as a trap (1 Samuel 18:20-21), and then later, when David had to flee for his life, Saul spitefully gave her to another man (1 Samuel 25:44). Just like that. Her marriage, her heart, her loyalty, used like a chess piece in his war against David.
Imagine that. A father who rips apart his daughter’s marriage not because she was in danger or in sin, but because he was consumed with pride and vendetta.
Worse still, years after Saul had died, seven of his descendants were executed to atone for his sin against the Gibeonites. In 2 Samuel 21, we see the heartbreaking consequence of Saul’s earlier decision to wipe out the Gibeonites, something God never instructed. In his misplaced zeal, not for God but “for Israel and Judah,” Saul tried to annihilate them. And even though Saul was long dead, his descendants, seven of his innocent sons and grandsons were handed over to the Gibeonites to be killed, to make atonement, to stop the famine that had come as judgment. they died for a sin they had nothing to do with. (2 Samuel 21:1–2).
That famine didn’t come during Saul’s reign. It came after. That’s how far-reaching the consequences of one man’s disobedience can be. One man’s pride, one man’s insecurity, one man’s hunger for approval brought national judgment and generational pain.
When a Parent Is Broken, the Family Bleeds
Saul spiralled. That’s the only way to describe it.
He grew more erratic, more paranoid, more consumed with himself. He tried to kill David, multiple times. He even told Jonathan and all his attendants to murder David, despite knowing their friendship. (1 Samuel 19:1)
Can you imagine the tension that created? Forcing your child to pick between loyalty to God’s anointed and loyalty to you?
Saul wasn’t just broken, he was destructive. He wasn’t just insecure, he was unstable. He gave away his daughters like a pawn in a chess game, he used them as pawns to serve his personal agenda.
He broke promises without remorse. Instead of fathering with love and responsibility, he manipulated his children to protect his image and position.
He could not be trusted to lead, and worse, he couldn’t be trusted to father.
He didn’t just sin and fall. He dragged his family down in the fall, trying to clutch power as it slipped through his fingers. Eventually, he died on the battlefield alongside Jonathan, not in glory, but in despair. A man who could have gone down in history as a faithful leader ended up being a warning sign.
Lessons from Saul’s Fatherhood
Now, you might say, “Well, I’m not trying to kill Gibeonites or snatch thrones,” and that’s true. But Saul’s broken fatherhood shows up every day in today’s world, just dressed in different costumes and wrapped in more socially acceptable packaging.
Insecurity in a Parent Is Dangerous
An insecure parent tends to overcontrol, overreact, or subtly manipulate, just like Saul. He didn’t simply want to be king, he wanted to be irreplaceable. That fear drove him to control everyone around him, including his children. When a parent leads from fear, they end up controlling what they should be stewarding. When a parent does not deal with their identity in God:
– Decisions begin to flow from the fear of what others think, rather than God’s leading.
– Parenting becomes a performance.
– Children are pushed into paths determined by unhealed egos instead of God’s purpose.
People-Pleasing Parents Raise Confused Children: Parents who are more concerned with public perception, whether in church, school, or online, will raise children formed by fear, not by Christ.
Children begin to reflect insecurity, not identity. They grow up confused, trying to measure up to standards God never gave them.
Anointing Is Not Enough: It’s possible to be chosen, anointed, and still lead a family astray. Saul was used by God, but he lacked depth. He was gifted for the public but unstable in private. Giftedness should not replace groundedness.
Children Are Not Tools for Image-Building: Parents who use their children to fulfill broken dreams or impress others are walking a dangerous path.
Obedience is generational: When disobedience becomes a pattern, it plants seeds that children may be forced to reap. What a parent chooses today can open or close doors for their children tomorrow.
Character Over Charisma: Saul’s character couldn’t carry the weight of his crown. He had title without transformation. God wants us as parents to be the same in secret as we are in public. What children see when no one else is watching, how their parents respond to pressure, how they speak when frustrated, these are the true lessons they carry.
Don’t Drag Children Into Dysfunction: Saul tried to make Jonathan hate David. He used Michal to trap David. He didn’t just sin, he involved his children. Parents must resist the urge to project pain, manipulate outcomes, or entangle children in battles that stem from personal wounds.
Heal So You Don’t Bleed on Your Children
Saul never truly dealt with his need for affirmation, his fear, or his pride. And because of that, his children carried the weight of sins they didn’t commit. His repentance was shallow. When confronted, he said, “I have sinned, but please honour me before the people” (1 Samuel 15:30). He was still clinging to image. Still prioritizing his face over his heart. Still seeking approval instead of transformation.
A parent who refuses to heal becomes emotionally unpredictable. Discipline becomes a disguise for dysfunction. Control is baptized and called structure. But children can tell. Even if they lack words, they feel the weight of unhealed wounds in the home. We can’t hide what hasn’t been healed. This is why as parents, we must go to God. We must die daily to our passions, to our flesh. We must bring every wound to God. We must let Him father us, so we can father or mother our children from a place of wholeness.
Truthfully, the majority of us are broken in one way or another, but that doesn’t have to be the end of our story. We can heal.
God’s Invitation to Redemption
As I write this, I too have had to face some hard truths. I’ve examined myself and found areas where I fall woefully short. But this reflection isn’t meant to condemn, it’s meant to shine light into the dark and hidden corners of our lives and parenting journeys. It’s a call to learn, to turn back to God, and to allow our flesh to diminish as He takes preeminence in our hearts.
That Christ may increase while we decrease.
That Jesus Christ may be fully formed in us.
God wasn’t unfair. Saul had opportunities. Warnings. Chances to turn. But he chose self-preservation over surrender. He chose pride over brokenness. And that’s what made the difference.
The good news is that we still have time. Time to look inwards. Time to heal. Time to start again. We may not be kings and queens, but in the eyes of our children, we are rulers of their earliest world. We may not wear crowns, but our choices carry weight. And more than anything, God is not looking for perfection, He’s looking for yielded hearts.
So today, take this as a call to return. To be checked. To repent. To ask: “Lord, is there any part of me parenting like Saul?” And if the answer is yes, then don’t run from it. Let that be the place where mercy finds you.
A Prayer for Us All
Lord, search me.
Strip me of every Saul-like tendency.
Help me not to parent from fear, insecurity, or broken ambition.
Teach me to parent from wholeness, from truth, from love.
I don’t want to raise wounded kings or bitter daughters.
I want to raise arrows, strong, steady, and surrendered to You.
So start with me.
Heal me.
Lead me.
And let the story of my family be one of redemption, not ruin.
Amen. ❤️
