The integrity of the upright guides them, but the unfaithful are destroyed by their duplicity (Proverbs 11:3)
One day, very recently, in fact, the kids and I stopped by Ebeano supermarket. We had just one thing to pick up, but you know how shopping goes sometimes…. we ended up getting a few more things. I was on a really strict and lean budget, so I said no to just about everything they asked for.
On our way out, I remembered how much they love Greek yoghurt. I figured, why not indulge them in that one thing, after saying no to almost everything else? My “management brain” had said no to toys earlier, I was tired of how quickly they got spoilt or disappeared. Some of them didn’t last beyond a day or two at home. So, Greek yoghurt it was.
Now, it was quite late. The supermarket had been announcing their closing time repeatedly, and we were in a hurry to check out and leave. My girl was with the kids and holding the yoghurt, while I went ahead to pay and we left.
But it wasn’t until I stopped at the filling station that I realised, wait o….I hadn’t paid for the yoghurt! Ha! Lord have mercy o….
My heart just wouldn’t rest.
Now, let me be clear, this doesn’t mean I’m perfect or I always get it right. But when you have the Holy Spirit, you can’t just flippantly do what’s wrong without feeling convicted and being led back to repentance.
In my head, a few thoughts came rushing in, as though trying to justify why i didn’t need to go back to the supermarket:
- It was an honest mistake.
- I didn’t try to steal.
- These supermarkets add plenty profit to cover things like this.
- What if going back gets a staff member in trouble?
But then one louder, clearer question rose:
“If you were the owner of Ebeano, would you want this done to you?”
Definitely not. I’ve always been conscious of this one thing: Even when no one sees me, God sees me. He’s literally called El Roi, the God who sees. (Genesis 16:13)
And that awareness has helped me more times than I can count. That’s what I want to pass on to my kids too. Not just rules or reminders, but a heart that says, “I want to do what’s right, even when it’s just me and God in the room.
So, I bought the fuel and drove back to the supermarket. I picked up one extra yoghurt and prayed hard to be attended to by someone nice, you know….someone who wouldn’t ask too many questions.
I was literally scanning the faces of all the cashiers like, “Holy Spirit, please, who should I go to?”
I finally approached one. I brought forward the extra and said, “My children stepped out with one already. I’d like to pay for two.”
In my head I was just muttering, “God please, abeg o.”
I felt so awkward. Like I was explaining too much. Like maybe I looked suspicious. But I knew what I was doing. I knew what my children needed to see and hear about integrity, not from my mouth but from my life. Thankfully, she didn’t ask further questions. She just accepted the payment, and honestly, I think I walked so fast out of there it could’ve passed for running 😂
But as I got into the car, I felt such peace. Not because I did something grand, but because I did the right thing, even when I didn’t have to. That’s integrity. Not perfection.
Why Does This Matter So Much?
I remember Ananias and Sapphira. Their story in Acts 5 is not just a warning, it’s a lesson in how dangerous it is to play games with truth. They sold a piece of land, pretended to bring all the money, but secretly kept part of it for themselves. It wasn’t that they couldn’t keep it. Peter even told them: “Was it not in your own control?”
The problem was the lie. The pretending. The false appearance.
They wanted the honour without the honesty.
They wanted the reward of integrity without paying the price of it.
And the scary part is how they died. They just dropped. Dead. Right. There. No chance to explain. No long trial. No long thing.
Now, I’m not saying anyone’s going to die for unpaid yoghurt nor am I saying we should go about killing people for being dishonest, God forbid. But I am saying the Holy Spirit is the same. He still values truth. He still convicts hearts.
And He still wants us to raise children who know that integrity isn’t just good behaviour, it’s about partnering with God in a time when deceit is common and often rewarded.
We must teach our children to be people of integrity, especially when no one is watching. Not just because it makes them look good, but because it pleases God.
We must teach them that doing the right thing isn’t always easy, and it’s not always rewarded, but it’s always worth it. That sometimes, integrity won’t get them applause, but it will give them peace.
Because the truth is, as they grow and leave the confines of your home, they won’t always have someone standing over their shoulder. One day, they’ll be making choices on their own. And when that day comes, we want the voice of integrity to be louder than the voice of compromise. We want the Holy Spirit to be so familiar to them, that His conviction doesn’t feel like guilt, it feels like guidance.
Why Did I Go Back?
Because I’m raising men, not just boys.
Because they won’t learn to be truthful just by hearing me say “tell the truth.”
They’ll learn by watching how I live when it’s hard.
When it’s awkward.
When it’s easier to walk away and say “it’s not a big deal.”
I want them to know the difference between clean and almost clean.
Between what is right and what is almost right.
Because one day, their own hearts will be tested.
And I pray, that they’ll remember that one day Mummy drove back to pay for a yoghurt nobody asked about.
That moment at Ebeano taught me: integrity isn’t just about big dramatic choices. Sometimes, it’s about yoghurt. It’s about what you do when no one would even know you didn’t do the right thing. It’s about the Holy Spirit nudging you when you could have easily moved on, and you choosing to listen.
And our children are watching. Always. They’re not just learning from what we say, they’re learning from what we do. From how we react when we make a mistake. From how we fix it. From whether we brush it off or make it right. So here’s what I’ve learned about teaching our kids integrity, nothing fancy, just a few life lessons that I think you would find helpful:
1. You don’t have to be perfect to teach integrity. You just have to be willing to own your mistakes and make them right. I didn’t go back to Ebeano to impress my kids, I went back because I couldn’t rest. But they saw that. They saw Mom do the hard thing.
2. Explain the Why, Not Just the What: I didn’t just pay for the yoghurt and move on. I explained to my children why I went back. I told them I made a mistake, and even though no one stopped us or noticed, it wasn’t right to keep something we didn’t pay for. I wanted them to see that integrity isn’t about fear of punishment, it’s about doing what’s right, because it’s right.
3. Let the Holy Spirit Do the Heavy Lifting: There are things our children will learn best from the Spirit, not from our many talks. We can’t always be there. We won’t always catch every lie, every shortcut, every moment they’re tempted to cheat or hide. But if they’re learning to listen to that quiet nudge inside, the same one that wouldn’t let me rest at the fuel station, then they’ll carry integrity even when we’re not around. The Holy Spirit is the only One who can be with them every single second, minutes and hours of the day, every week, every month, every year and even long after you have gone to be with God. This is one of the reasons why Jesus Christ said God will send the Holy Spirit.
4. Celebrate Honest Moments: I’ve learned not to overlook the small victories. When my child tells the truth, even when it’s hard, I make a big deal of it. I say things like, “I am so proud of you for telling the truth Ezzy”. We don’t just correct dishonesty—we highlight and celebrate honesty.
5. Don’t Shame Their Mistakes, Guide Their Hearts: Integrity grows best in a shame-free environment. When a child messes up and hides it, our response can either teach them to lie better next time or to come clean faster next time. Our tone, our words, our face, it all matters.
Integrity is not perfection. It’s not about never messing up. It’s about coming back to the right path when we stray. And if we keep walking that path, honestly, humbly, and openly, our children will learn to walk it too.
Dear parent,
The goal is humility.
It’s soft hearts that respond when God nudges.
It’s a willingness to say, “Lord, I messed up, but I’ll make it right.”
Our children are watching. Let’s live in such a way that their hearts are taught what our words may never fully capture.
Let’s raise children who love the truth.
And who are led, not by pressure or fear, but by the integrity of the upright.
So, what are the little moments, those yoghurt moments, where we can show our kids that doing right matters, even when it’s inconvenient? Because those are the moments that shape who they become.
