Personal Note From Toju:
Parenting is one of those jobs where you learn as you go. I’m definitely no expert, and I’m far from perfect. I write from a place of both victories and losses, and I’m in the fields with you. The difference is that I’m sharing what I’ve learned along the way, the mistakes to avoid, the tools to use, and the strategies that could give you a better shot at it. My hope is that you make fewer mistakes than I have, and that together, we can be better parents and better people.
Don’t read this with the mindset that I’ve got it all figured out or that I’m perfect. I’m not and I don’t have it all together. Read this as though you’re hearing from a fellow soldier, a comrade, a sister, and a friend, someone who’s in the thick of it with you. I’m sharing what I’ve learned through my own battles, what’s worked and what hasn’t. And together, we can do better, make fewer mistakes, and grow stronger along the way.
“The hand of the diligent will rule, while the slothful will be put to forced labor.” (Proverbs 12:24)
One of the hardest lessons I’ve had to learn as a mother is resisting the urge to swoop in and help my children with everything, especially when I see them struggling. It feels instinctive to step in, to protect, to smooth out the bumps and just calm their frustration. But over time, I realized that I was doing them a disservice. In trying to protect them from difficulty, I was shielding them from growth.
Diligence Grows in the Soil of Struggle
Behind that frustrated little one is a genius waiting to emerge, a problem solver, a thinker, a creator. But they’ll never discover what they’re capable of if they’re never allowed to try, to fail, and to try again. Diligence does not spring up from ease. It grows from intentional effort, consistent practice, and steady perseverance, even in the face of failure.
“Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness.” ( James 1:2–3)
This principle applies to our children too. When they struggle to complete a puzzle, tie their shoelaces, or write that difficult essay, they are developing more than a skill, they are building inner strength and resilience.
I’ve learned that you can’t exactly teach grit, it’s something you nurture in your child. It grows in the right environment, like a plant in good soil. As parents, we help that growth by letting our kids face challenges, mess up, and learn from it. We can’t really force grit on them. Instead, we give them the space to build it by encouraging them and being there to support them. What we are doing is creating the conditions where grit can grow naturally.
Lessons on Bravery From My Son (Choosing Courage Over Projection)
When my son started getting introduced to mathematics, I used to panic; for him. If I’m being honest, it was lowkey PTSD from my own personal encounters with that subject. Mathematics was a living, breathing nightmare for me. The moment I saw numbers, it felt like my brain just shut down and started to lag. So imagine the anxiety I felt when my son began bringing home maths assignments. 😂 I’d literally be sweating ad hyperventilating over simple arithmetic.
But it was in those moments that I discovered a version of myself I didn’t know existed. Mothering will do that to you. It will unlock parts of your mind and heart that you never knew you had, wisdom you didn’t know was buried inside you, words that rise from your belly with power and clarity that you just know came from the Holy Spirt!
One thing I realised early on was that I must not project my fears onto my child. Yes, I saw his frustration. I recognised it like an old friend. But if he was ever going to conquer that subject, I had to be careful not to hand him my emotional baggage. So, instead of discouraging him or resorting to shouting or spanking (which honestly never helped), I taught him a phrase that ended up inspiring even me:
“Don’t say, ‘I can’t do it.’ Say, ‘I can’t do this yet… but I’m going to learn and try again until I get it right.”
It became part of our language. Now when he’s faced with a challenge, he says, “Mum, I can’t do this now, but I will learn and try again.” Every time I hear it, my heart swells, because that’s not just about math. That’s a mindset. That’s diligence. That’s grit. That’s life.
Inviting Him to Think, Not Fear
Instead of turning homework time into a battlefield, I started asking him, “What do you think?”
And would you believe it? That simple question gave him permission to think, not fear. It made him feel like he could wrestle with problems and not be wrong for not knowing the answer right away.
Because the truth is:
Confidence doesn’t come from always getting things right.
It comes from being allowed to get it wrong and still being seen, loved, and encouraged.
Diligence Looks Like Trying Even the Small Things Again
“One who is faithful in a very little is also faithful in much…” (Luke 16:10)
This journey taught me that diligence isn’t just about hard work. It’s about believing that growth is possible. It’s about failing forward. It’s about saying, “I don’t know it right now, but I will try again.” Isn’t that what God does with us, too? Patiently guiding us, never shaming us for our slowness, but always whispering: “You don’t know it yet. But I’m with you. Try again.”
If as a parent, you find yourself reliving your childhood fears through your child’s experiences, pause. Look at your child and remember: they don’t have to carry what you carried. You can break that cycle, not by perfection, but by choosing to speak life.
Because sometimes, teaching a child how to try again…will teach you how to believe again.
Diligence isn’t only about schoolwork or house chores. It’s about building the heart muscle of follow-through. It’s helping our children develop the internal strength to keep going, to rise when they fall, and to grow even when the path isn’t easy.
Everyday Training Grounds:
- When your toddler tries (and fails) to zip up a jacket
- When your preschooler struggles to form the letter S
- When your preteen moans about a long homework
- When your teenager is tempted to give up on a challenging skill
Ways to Nurture Diligence in Children
1. Allow Them to Fail and Try Again, but Know When To Step In
Of course, we don’t just watch our children struggle. Parenting is not abandonment. It’s guided freedom. Wisdom knows when to step in, when the frustration becomes overwhelming, when a model is needed again, when a task must be broken into steps. Failure is not the enemy. It’s a teacher. Let your child wrestle with the hard stuff: the maths problem, the cereal box, the clean-up time. Stay close, but don’t take over. That moment of “almost giving up” is where perseverance is born.
Proverbs 24:16 says “For the righteous falls seven times and rises again…” Let them rise. Cheer for the rising more than the result. Of course, we don’t just watch our children struggle. Parenting is not abandonment. It’s guided freedom. Let the wisdom of God guide you always, so that you know when to step in, when the frustration becomes overwhelming, when a model is needed again, when a task must be broken into steps.
A Lesson from the Stairs
I remember when my first son started taking the stairs (more like dragging himself up on his belly) at just eight months. It was such a scary thing for my heart to take because the stairs were quite steep. Every time he climbed, I would hold my breath in. But deep down, I knew I had to let him try.
So, I’d follow behind gently; nudging him, encouraging him, ready to catch him if he fell. In no time, he was up and down those stairs like a pro. Looking back, I honestly believe that allowing him to explore his discovery instincts unlocked a level of curiosity in him that still beats my imagination today.
Isn’t that how God parents us, too? Watching, guiding, but letting us try. Letting us fall and rise again. Letting diligence form in us, because He knows it’s the only way we’ll grow into who He’s called us to be.
Instead of rushing in with answers, respond with questions like:
“What do you think we can try?”
“What worked last time?”
Help your children see that careful, patient effort has a reward.
Proverbs 21:5 says “The plans of the diligent lead surely to abundance, but everyone who is hasty comes only to poverty.” –
2. Celebrate Progress, Not Just Completion
Praise their effort, even when it’s messy. Let them know that diligence delights the heart of God. Let them know they will get better with time. Galatians 6:9 says: “And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up.”
3. Create a Structure They Can Rely On
Routines can sometimes be your best friend if engaged wisely. Children thrive on structure. Morning devotion routines, chore charts, visual checklists; all these can help with consistency, just remember not to over-flog the routines.
4. Teach them what God’s Word says on Diligence
“Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men.” (Colossians 3:23)
“The soul of the diligent is richly supplied.” ( Proverbs 13:4)
These shouldn’t just be memory verses, these should be their mindset. God loves diligence. The Bible is full of encouragement for those who work steadily and faithfully. Teach your children that their diligence honors God and positions them for increase.
Give It Time
Diligence won’t grow overnight. But with repetition, it will take root. So, let your children feel the joy of trying, the sting of falling short, the excitement of discovery, and the satisfaction of completion.
“Do you see a man skillful in his work? He will stand before kings; he will not stand before obscure men.” (Proverbs 22:29)
You’re not just raising obedient children.
You’re raising leaders, creators, servants of God, world-changers.
So, the next time your child struggles with that zipper, chore, or assignment, pause.
Take a deep breath. Smile.
Let them try. Let them grow.
Then celebrate the courage it took to keep going.
