“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
Some of the hardest words for many adults to say are, “I’m sorry.” not because they don’t want to, but because some were never taught how. Or worse, never taught why. Do you know there are people who carry pain simply because no one ever said, “I’m sorry.”
In raising children for a godly life, we must plant this virtue early. Not as a performance, but as a practice rooted in empathy and truth. In our homes, where godliness is being formed day by day, we must lay the foundation for something more than good manners, we must teach our children to own their actions and empathize with the people their choices affect.
Telling a child to say “sorry” without helping them understand why is like telling them to smile while they’re still hurting. It creates performance without depth. But when we pause and explain that apologies are bridges; ways to mend what has been broken, then we give them tools for life and for love.
Teach the Heart, Not Just the Habit
Apologies are not magic words; they are heart postures. Children should know that we say sorry not just because someone told us to, but because we understand that our actions caused pain, disappointment, or inconvenience.
“Do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” (Philippians 2:4)
When a child learns to step into someone else’s shoes, they begin to understand empathy. And empathy is the soil where true repentance grows. If they are to grow into men who, like David, are quick to repent and turn back to God, they must first learn the virtue of saying ‘I’m sorry. Teach them that saying “I’m sorry” doesn’t mean they’re bad, it means they’re brave and sensitive to both people and God and that’s a good place to be in one’s heart.
This Is One Virtue You Must Insist On
Even the flesh of a two-year-old will resist apology. You’ll ask them to say sorry to their sibling, and suddenly you’re face to face with a little wall of bold, stubborn refusal. Where did that come from?
It came from the nature of sin.
Yes, even the sweetest child, outside of Christ, is bent toward rebellion. Jeremiah 17:9 says: The heart of man is desperately wicked, and children are no exception. That’s why parenting must be done prayerfully and patiently. This virtue won’t grow on its own, you must insist on it. In love. In consistency. With the Holy Spirit’s help.
Because if it’s not formed in them now, they grow up into adults who are always right.
Bosses who never admit fault.
Husbands who do wrong but never apologize.
Wives who offend but never own it.
And all because someone once said, “He’s just stubborn,” and left it unchecked.
This Is War; But Not Against Your Child
Why does it feel like such a battle to get a child to simply say “sorry”? Because it is a battle. A spiritual one. We’re not just raising polite children, we’re discipling souls. We are teaching them, prayerfully, how to bring their flesh under the authority of the Holy Spirit. Every time we insist on godly character, we are engaging in warfare. Not against our children, but against the flesh that resists surrender.
Galatians 5:17 says: “For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh.”
So when you see your child digging in their heels, refusing to apologize, recognize what’s happening. The flesh is resisting truth. And you, dear parent, are standing in the gap, not just to correct behaviour, but to disciple a heart, you are insisting that YOUR own child belongs to God, will serve God and will live a life that pleases Him. You are insisting like Joshua that “as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord”.
And because this is a spiritual matter, it must be done not just with strategy, but with love and patience. You’re not trying to win a fight, you’re trying to win a soul. Resist the urge to give in to anger. Ask the Holy Spirit to help you stay calm, consistent, and discerning. You’re not just parenting, you’re waging a war for destiny.
Don’t Just Preach It, Model It
Have you ever apologized to your child?
Have they seen you humble yourself, even when it was hard?
Those moments stick. Children are watching, closely. A parent who says, “I spoke too harshly. I’m sorry. I was upset, but I should have been gentler,” is showing their child that apologizing doesn’t make you weak, it makes you wise.
Proverbs 28:13 says: “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” When apologies are normalized in the home, healing is also normalized.
Show Them the Peace Apology Can Bring “Hug it Out Boys”
Children should know that saying sorry can calm storms. So many conflicts escalate not because the issue was too big, but because pride made it bigger. A timely, gentle apology can de-escalate tension, preserve friendships, and even open doors of understanding. Matthew 5:9 says: Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called sons of God.”
In our home, when one child comes to report the other, I don’t just insist that the one who did wrong says “sorry.” I take it a step further. I help them see why what they did was wrong;
Was it unkind?
Was it selfish?
Was it careless?
I name it, then, I ask them to apologize. But I don’t stop there. I ask them to hug it out.
Why?
Because when they apologize and hug, they both learn:
That relationships matter.
That love can be restored.
That even after mistakes, there is a path back to each other.
The child who was wronged feels heard. And the one who did wrong learns humility, accountability, and restoration.
It’s a small act, but it teaches big truths such as:
You don’t walk away when someone offends you.
You don’t just say sorry and leave it at that.
You reconnect.
You restore.
You love again.
